Sarcasm Quotes

Without sarcasm I sink into chaos.

History teaches us virtue, but nature never ceases to teachh us vice.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

My major vice is sarcasm with a side of caffeine addiction.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

You have delighted us long enough.

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.

I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.

Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace's. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace's again. Take it and enjoy the consequences.

All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.

I like a girl who's smart, they have to be able to grasp witty sarcasm.

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

Sarcasm and compassion are two of the qualities that make life on Earth tolerable.

Sarcasm is lost in print.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

Why do you have a cigarette lighter in your glove compartment?" her husband, Jack, asked her. "I'm bored with knitting. I've taken up arson

Sarcasm is the language of people whose emotions are dying.

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer's icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

I've heard that the best way to help poor people is to make sure you don't become one of them

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.

The truth is simple, you do not die from love. You only wish you did.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

Some sarcasm is best told simply.

Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.