Lit Humor Quotes
In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.
Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.
In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.
Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.
In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.
Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it tobe one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughingbut the forces that be—given that they are even a wee bit human.
Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.
And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.
Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.
Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.
Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.
Honey, that man would do anything to keep you. Lie, steal, cheat, kill, clean up after himself, and do laundry.
I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.
Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen
Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.
The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.
You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.
There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.
Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.
Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.
Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.
If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.
Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.
If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.
When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.
There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.
