Humour Quotes

Dear Skeezie, Today I ran after a boy as he was trying to get away. I tackled him and we both landed in the mud. Do you think I appeared desperate?-Joe Bunch

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.

Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think!

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

What's happened to humour? We're becoming American. Everyone gets so angry over everything.

I have a weird sense of humour. My dad's the same. We love watching 'Monty Python' together.

Cynicism is the humour of hatred

You could say that when you introduce humour to your work, you also step back a little from it. You create a distance

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

Humour plays close to the big, hot fire, which is the truth, and the reader feels the heat.

You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance, and the humorist, with a smile and perhaps a sigh, is more likely to shrug his shoulders than to condemn.

Life is really very fantastic, and one has to have a peculiar sense of humour to see the fun of it. [Virtue]

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.

The salutory effect of surviving a heart-attack: One felt that nothing mattered beyond kindness, good manners and humour

His [Bob Dylan] humour was dry and splendid.

I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about something you're automatically demeaning it.

For the sadness in legitimate humour consists in the fact that honestly and without deceit it reflects in a purely human way upon what it is to be a child.

According as the man is, so must you humour him.

HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

When you absolutely don't know what to do anymore, it is time to panic

That's what I always liked about science fiction - you can make the world end. Humour is my multiple warhead delivery system.

The hardest part about being in radiohead is being inside a giant head that is a radio. Ha ha, little english humour there, or is it a hammer?

Optimism is the first cousin of love, and it's exactly like love in three ways: it's pushy, it has no real sense of humour, and it turns up where you least expect it.

One can forgive Shakespeare anything, except one's own bad lines.

No Ghost of any common sense begins a conversation

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Men from children nothing differ.

Allegra's Austen wrote about the impact of financial need on the intimate lives of women. If she'd worked in a bookstore, Allegra would have shelved Austen in the horror section.

There was a piece of ornamental water immediately below the parapet, on the other side, into which Mr. James Harthouse had a very strong inclination to pitch Mr. Thomas Gradgrind Junior.

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

Women treat us [men] like humanity treats gods – they worship us and keep bothering us to do something.

It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.

The only thing worse than fighting a giant scorpion was fighting a giant scorpion who was trying to protect her young.

He dunked his tea bag and watched the results critically. “I really must get a new supplier. This tea is pathetic. America just doesn’t understand tea at all.

You ever want to negotiate a hostage situation in Quebec, I'm your man. Send me in for a little parley and the francophone miscreants will flee, hands over bleeding ears.

It is better to be first with an ugly woman than the hundreth with a beauty.

If he decided to pursue Sienna...Sucking in a breath Indigo promised herself she'd warn the girl if and when the time came-because no woman should have to face that campaign unprepared.

I said breathe. Not do a fish-out of-water imitation.

Every day's a negotiation and sometimes it's done with guns.

So Beckendorf was pretty popular?" Leo asked. "I mean-before he blew up?

Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws.

Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.

My God - it's a green child!" said the American. "What is this place - the House of Usher?

Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor.

If politics were a musical, it would be "Promises, Promises".

Back in my day, which was about a week and a half ago, we took our lumps and we got back up and we cried like babies and quit and then put on weight.

Sometimes the body gets out of bed an hour before the brain.