Humor Quotes
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
People who start a sentence with personally (and they're always women) ought to be thrown to the lions. It's a repulsive habit.
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
You're only a man! You've not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory!
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier.
Disney will never make a movie about my life story, and that's a shame--I'd make a really cute animated creature.
I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.
He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed.
Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one!
When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.
Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life.
Evil influence is like a nicotine patch, you cannot help but absorb what sticks to you.
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad.
Oh... Adrian, I've got one more favor to ask you. A big one." "Fondue?" he asked hopefully.
I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand.
Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work.
How in the name of Merlin's pants have you managed to get your hands on those Horcrux books?
His eyes are peculiar. There is nothing in them, like an eclair without the cream filling. It's wrong, lack of cream.
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
A few dud universes can really clutter up your basement.
