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Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes

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Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity I had stolen."

My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity I had stolen.




Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak."

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.



Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.



Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism."

If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism.




Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time."

A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.



Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned."

I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.



Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends."

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.




Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person."

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.



Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-Night Stands Quotes: "One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern."

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.