Humor Quotes
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.
Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
Thirty--the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair.
Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.
As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.
Though the doctors treated him, let his blood, and gave him medications to drink, he nevertheless recovered.
This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.
We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.
My dad instilled in me a great sense of humor. I wasn't bullied at school because my outward attitude was confident, and that helps.
But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.
There is wisdom in turning as often as possible from the familiar to the unfamiliar: it keeps the mind nimble, it kills prejudice, and it fosters humor.
I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.
You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.
Never attribute to malevolence what is merely due to incompetence
As a confirmed melancholic, I can testify that the best and maybe only antidote for melancholia is action. However, like most melancholics, I suffer also from sloth.
Go ahead and laugh at Detroit. Because you are laughing at yourself.
Bouillabaisse is only good because cooked by the French, who, if they cared to try, could produce an excellent and nutritious substitute out of cigar stumps and empty matchboxes.
As someone who grew up in the Bronx, I certainly learned my share of four-letter words, but none are more powerful than nice.
They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.
When he heard there was nothing to eat, he sat down and wept… “Why did I ever wake up!” he cried.
It's just that in the Deep South, women learn at a young age that when the world is falling apart around you, it's time to take down the drapes and make a new dress.
The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.
Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys.
Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.
All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.