Will Cuppy Quotes

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.

Orangutans teach us that looks are not everything-but warned near it.

The Chameleon's face reminded Aristotle of a Baboon. Aristotle wasn't much of a looker himself.

The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows.

Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.

A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.

Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.

The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.

A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.

It is because of his brain that he [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.

My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.

The hippopotamus looks monogamous- he looks as if he would have to be.

The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.

It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.

I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.

Three million alligators were killed in Florida between 1880 and 1900. Goody!

Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.

They [the Pilgrims] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.

Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.

Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.

Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air.

Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honour.

The male is colored much more gorgeously than the female so that he can be shot and made into feather embroidery.

Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.

[Footnote:]Each male has from 2 to 790 females with whom he discusses current events. Of these he marries from 3 to 17.

The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.

We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.

Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.

The trouble with the dictionary is that you have to know how a word is spelled before you can look it up to see how it is spelled.

The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.

Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.

An Ant on a hot stove-lid runs faster than an Ant on a cold one. Who wouldn't?

Alexander III of Macedon is known as Alexander the Great because he killed more people of more different kinds than any other man of his time.

Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.

Aristotle described the Crow as chaste. In some departments of knowledge, Aristotle was too innocent for his own good.

All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.

[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher.

Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.

You can't do much for the poor, as they are not in with the right people.

A few alligators are naturally of the vicious type and inclined to resent it when you prod them with a stick. You can find out which ones these are by prodding them.

There are 2, 500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes.