We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?""What?""Oh, you'd like something simpler?

I get it, ' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but expect dinner to turn up within the hour.

Mums are mums, lance-constable. They don't like to see men managing by themselves, in case that sort of thing catches on.

We are all special in God's eyes because He has designed us to carry His treasures.

I still listen to tracks sometimes and hear some of the harmonies and its just amazing.

Patients know what patients want to know.

Men are idol factories.

It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

I have to have lemon and honey. I have to have apple cider vinegar, Braggs. And I have to have either Red Vines or Twizzlers. These things, you know, are the things that help my vocal performance.

The craft work becomes a mediator between me and my secrets, between me and the listener.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

Nothing concentrates one's mind so much as the realization that one is going to be hanged in the morning!

I would rather have written Fables in Slang than be President.