Humor Quotes
On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children.
The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.
Garrick was panting when he replied, “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime.” His lips pulled wide. “You don’t need to make up a new pet.
I’d heard you were dead.”"I heard you wear a red lace corset, ” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.
Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?
I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.-Bobby Tom
How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it
No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?--Poirot
Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.
For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that you can accidentally bump into him. It is called being efficient.
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.
Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here.
I'm trying to make some sense out of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason, " and I think I've figured out what the reason is - to pissed me off.
Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace.
CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe.
I do not, " I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.
Oh that looked painful, " called another Puck, a little farther down. "We really need to talk about your anger-management problems.
To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.
I alternate between feeling sympathetic toward humanity and being a misanthrope. When I'm sympathetic, it usually means I haven't been around people in awhile.
I am perfectly qualified to give you an injection. You're not going to tell me you're afraid of a little prick?""I wouldn't call you that...
I don't mind if you forget me.Having learned my lesson, I never left an impression on anyone.
I'm not senile, " I snapped. "If I burn the house down it will be on purpose.
BE QUIET!!...What do you want...? I was in the middle of saying something nice...
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat.
Do you always ask me the same questions you ask him?""It depends on whether or not I get an answer.
There must be a mistake, " I said. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "That's a creative name. What do you shorten it to? Missy?
The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.
I swear that woman had a previous career as a death-hunter selling tragic ballads down around the Seven Dials, " said Will. "And I do wish she wouldn't sing about poisoning just after we've eaten.
Laurel, David? Would you like to share the joke with the rest of the class?" he asked, one hand on his skinny hip.
Wizard Howl, " said Wizard Suliman. "I must apologize for trying to bite you so often. In the normal way, I wouldn't dream of setting teeth in a fellow countryman.
She's under duress, " Peaseblossom said."I don't care if she's under duress, over it, or alongside it, " Moth said. "Nothing in this world supersedes cake.
