Humor Quotes

You look disappointed to see me, Zach, " Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?

She frowned at me. "You need some rest. You look like hell. And you're obviously tired enough to have gotten the giggles."Wizards don't giggle, " I said, hardly able to speak. "This is cackling.

Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war.""The plant war, " Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?

She'd met Colin on a Monday.She'd kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.

I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box...

Riley : "Do you want to claw at me, kitty-cat? Come on."Mercy: "Sorry, I don't beat defenseless puppies.

This paper, by its very length, defends itself from ever being read.

My bookcase is all yours."I walked to the door. "I've just decided that those are my favorite five words in the world.

And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.

I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed me first." ~Cassandra Palmer

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.

Babe!

It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.'""That's great, " Lana said."Invincible. I can't be vinced.""That's not even a word, " Lana said."Go ahead: try to vince me, " Sanjit said.

See, that’s the difference, ” Mauvin said. “I suffer a loss and people console me. Royce suffers a loss and whole towns evacuate.

Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?""You may ask.""How old are you?""It's none of your business

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!""You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome,

Everything not forbidden is compulsory

She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed. "These are cool, " Dan decided. "Maybe I could-""No, Dan, " Amy said. "You can't collect human bones.""Awww.

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.

You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.

See?" she heard Shane yell at the kitchen. "She doesn't stomp around like a cattle stampede!""Bite me, Collins! No bacon for you, either!

This is me.’" He handed her the precious scrap of paper. ‘Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first.

Harry, " Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, "what you know about women, I could juggle.

Of all the crap, crap, crappy nights I've ever had in the whole of my crap life. On a scale of one to 10, we're talking...a minus 6. And it's not like I even have very high standards.

When I was little I bragged about my firefighting father: my father would go to heaven, because if he went to hell he would put out all the fires

It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.I turned around and ran like hell.

Oh, goodie, " Puck said as I stepped forward. "I'm going to have a rash in the most uncomfortable places.

I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.

Shuck it, ” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.” Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now.

"Don't be scared of Bambi" the demon said. "She's only curious and maybe a little bit hungry."?

We are like chameleons, we take our hue and the color of our moral character, from those who are around us.

Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.

The shortest distance between two people is a smile.

Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”“I hardly think there’s any chance of that, ” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.

Do little pink fairies sing and dance in your world, Peabody?""Sometimes, when it's very quiet and no one else can see.

The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they're called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – ""Plumbers?"" – exactly, yes, but of course they're flummoxed.

A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

Darwin says people like you need to die.” (Carrow)

I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.

I am ever a gentle maiden, " she shouted. "Damn if I'm not.

Merlin’s beard.

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!

TANDAAN: mahirap mafriendzone, pero madali lang gumanti!

Thomas: Is it [my brain] fixed?Brenda: It worked, judging from the fact that you're not trying to kill us anymore...

A crossbow?” Pigeon asked.I left my battle-ax in my other jeans, ” the man said.