Jeff Kinney Quotes

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says people need to shave twice a day.

My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for.

Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.

But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.

It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.

I think Diary of a Wimpy kidis sooooo good!!!!!!!

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

fish and visitors stink in 3 days.

Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!

I'm basically one of the best people I know.

When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.

I think goodreads is the best place to look for books

hope your birthday is hot hot hot

I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.

I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.

Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.

I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.

hay he's a great writer and i like him a lot

I only work on my books at nights and at weekends. It is really just like a hobby.

hey guys i would like you to try this book you will love it!

that if you don't read nobody does

He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!

The best person I know is Myself.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,

Zoo-Wee Mama!

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Whyis "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And sayspeople need to shave twice a day.

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.

I’ve realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week it’s being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves)

I think it's important for me to keep my childhood friends so that later on someone can appreciate how far I've come.

Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it