Humor Quotes
If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.
When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day, You have to go places quite out of the way, You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too.
Congratulations!Today is your day.You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!
If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
The story so far:In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.
Begin at the beginning, " the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.
have i gone mad?im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.
Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!
There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.
Look at me!Look at me!Look at me NOW!It is fun to have funBut you have to know how.
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it.", May 16, 1767)
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
Take some more tea, " the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly."I've had nothing yet, " Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more." than nothing." opinion, " said Alice.
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
