Humor Quotes

A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

Big Bang Theory' is not my kind of show. It's not my humor. I don't like multicam comedies. I don't want an audience to tell me when to laugh.

My sense of humor will always stand in the way of my seeing myself, my family, my race or my nation as the whole intent of the universe.

Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny.

I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality

I have a sense of humor. I usually come off as very serious, but I definitely have a dry sense of humor.

There's a combination of things [to survive the road trip]. Humor would be key. If everyone has relatively the same sense of humor, then that helps. And things in common, like food, eating.

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

I think it's a brilliant tool to have, not only to have a sense of humor, but to be able to use humor to help one navigate life, and I tend not to be that type of person. I wish I were.

I find the humor in life, and laugh easily

I have a very dry sense of humor.

I don't have a very quick sense of humor.

Sometimes the best cure for life’s woes is a sense of humor.

In both Surfing the Himalayas and Snowboarding to Nirvana, I have tried to transmit as best I could the spirit of humor, and the sense of humor of the monks I have encountered.

I am mindful that we're all sinners.

You subscribe politics to it. I subscribe freedom to it.

Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure.

It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then.

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

Hopefully, one enhances [when growing older] his sense of humor. As he approaches 50, he'll need all the humor he can get.

and he would probably not agree with my conviction that a sense of humor is the main measure of sanity. But who can say for sure? Humor is a very private thing.

I don't think my sense of humor has changed at all; I was born with this, for better or for worse.

Amy [ Schumer] is a really, really hilarious writer.She's super funny, and I feel like the core of our senses of humor is really similar.

If the gods have no sense of humor they must weep a great deal.

I think Ive got a pretty good sense of humor.

I'm amused by a lot of things. I love humor. I'm constantly joking around.

Rock Hudson wasn't my type. He's a great guy and had a great sense of humor.

The good-humor of a man elated with success often displays itself towards enemies.

An uncontrolled sense of humor is often costly in business.

If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream.

They tugged plans and ambitions out their as*es and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit.

To insult someone we call him 'besti*l'. For deliberate cruelty and nature, 'human' might be the greater insult.

Darling, I would follow you through the blackest midnight—just not without my trousers!

CASSIO: Dost thou hear, my honest friend?CLOWN: No, I hear not your honest friend, I hear you.CASSIO: Prithee, keep up thy quillets.

One should always be in love. That's the reason one should never marry.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!