Humor Quotes

This is probably as bad a day as the court has had on social issues since Roe vs. Wade.

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"

If anything, I've probably tended more toward humor in my writing and veered more toward pleasure in my personal life.

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

You know Death will get you in the end, but if you are smart and have a sense of humor, you can thumb your nose at it for awhile

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.

Elvis was a symbol of the country's vitality, rebelliousness, and good humor.

Whenever I'm stuck in traffic, I can't help but wonder, 'Where did the creator of The Jetsons go, and why hasn't he done something about this?'

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.

Maybe if God gives you a handicap, he makes sure you've got a few extra doses of humor to take the edge off.

I've met Jon Glaser who has a show on Adult Swim call Delocated and he's the main writer we hired for the show. That's really my brand of humor, I would say.

I considered people who didn't like my work to be in some way defective, deficient, lacking a sense of humor, and not understanding what was really going on.

My relationship with my wife is fraught with all of the problems that any couples face, but there is a sense of humor that we have about it and a real desire to want to make it better.

Humor is such a great gift - why leave it to chance?

I used comedy as a way to combat my dyslexia. I was barely getting by scholastically, so I used a lot of humor.

I don't know if humor has a place for it but being light hearted does and not to take it too seriously.

moms aren’t the best audience for medication humor.

I don't think you're dying," I said. "I think you've just got a touch of cancer. He smiled. Gallows humor.

People have a sense of humor, even if it's not a good one, and everybody has stakes.

Not all cartoon humor is just about having bugged-out eyes and tongues flying out of people's heads.

Friends humor and flatter us, they steal our time, they encourage our love of ease, they make us content with ourselves, they are the foes of our virtue and our glory.

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.

I think comedy is the hardest art form there is.

If we can ... get them to understand that saying 'no' to drugs is rebelling against their parents and the generations of the past, we'd make it an enormous success.

Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.

I just happen to be a sucker for humor. So anywhere I can sneak in something that I find potentially interesting or funny I do it as much as I can get away with.

Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.

I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology.

Come, agree, the law's costly.

I had mostly been writing humor books, and my instinct is generally to go for the joke.

It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.

Theres not a lot of good humor in medicine, but theres a lot of medicine in good humor.

In real life, Josh [Gad] is a different kind of lovable idiot. In real life, he's a much filthier idiot. He has a dirty sense of humor.

Humor is a very big part of life, and if you exclude humor from your book, you're not capturing a very important part of human experience.

I don't think because a story has humor in it means it's brief. For some reason, people think anything that's 30 minutes is a comedy, comedies can be longer or shorter, so can dramas.

It would be so irresponsible not to speak up. I don't know what I would do in my home and in my life if I didn't rant a little bit and as thoughtfully as I can with some humor.

With comedy, a lot of people develop their sense of humor as a defense mechanism.

Humor is his defense mechanism, so that would allow me to talk about some serious subjects, but get a lot of hilarious jokes in.

Haven't lost your sense of humor after all but your sense of identity is what seems to have been misplaced. No. Wrong. You don't lose what you never had.

I have a good sense of humor. I think everything we do should have whimsy in it.

Vaclav Havel had this great sense of humor. And you kind of felt that he was making a little bit fun of everything at the same time.