You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

How we feel is not who we are. We might feel like failures, but as long as we are still trying, we are not failures. We are works in progress.

Love gives you something extra... It makes you limitless...

It's my job to find the cornel of truth and then exaggerate, exaggerate, exaggerate until it's of an appropriate scale.

Isn't Googling someone the first thing everyone does?! They meet someone new and Google them!

We must learn, and we are gradually learning, how to write history with the help of archaeology.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ive suffered for my music ... now its your turn.

Always attack, never defend.

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

If you lie down and let somebody kick you, you're never going to get nowhere. You have to stand up.

We are mere bundles of habits.