Victoria Wood Quotes
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.
I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.
Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.
All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.
On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?
I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.
In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.
If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.
I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.
Acting is not my favourite thing. I don't like wearing costumes and wigs.
I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.
Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.
In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that.
I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.
In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.
Life is a windowless room in the Hotel Bellevue.