I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.

I think you should know that real-life white people are not all as funny as the ones on 'Seinfeld'.

Anyone with a gun can go out and commit an act of terrorism, even without a political affiliation.

When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.

I want the news delivered unbiased. I thought that was the whole point with journalism.

I wonder what it means when your grandson is more crotchety than you are.

I don't want the news to be patriotic. I don't want to see flags on the lapels of the anchors. I don't want any of that.

One, I push my deadlines closer than anybody else, or let's say it this way: I'm really late.

We have to confront the very scary fact that the president is a moron. He's really dumb.

When the news wants to tell you something is important, they put dramatic theme music behind it. They scare you into watching the story.

I thought she wanted out. We should've brought cuffs and a gag." Clare frowned. "What's wrong with you, Blake? This is a rescue mission, not a kidnapping.

But most distinctly, I remember always saying to myself that when I get big, I'm not going to go to bed hungry, I'm not going to wear hand-me-down clothes.

I am proud to stand with hardworking families all over Toledo, Ohio and America who should have the same chance that I did to share in the American dream, which should be big enough for everybody.

Even the most humble role, I've always felt really wildly grateful to be getting anywhere in film business.

We will continue to go out onto the streets and to protest, and actively encourage the public to support us in our campaign for free education.

Any sort of political correctness needs to be swept out of the way

It is up to India to take this opportunity to start ... a process of dialogue.

Hannah leaned against the wall. "Mind if I call shotgun?" Since you're carrying one? Feel free.

Though Rome's gross yoke Drops off, no more to be endured, Her teaching is not so obscured By errors and perversities, That no truth shines athwart the lies.

The freedom to think out loud on certain topics, without fear of being hounded into hiding or killed, has already been lost.