Gabriel Iglesias Quotes

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it.

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.

You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don't work out in life, they work out on stage.

I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and don't talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble.

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles... they don't have one that says 'oops.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

Understand that you don't know it all. You don't know anything yet. What you've been taught is great, but always go with common sense. And don't marry your first love.

Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

Comedy is my passion. I'm going to do this until I drop.

I'm not fat. I'm fluffy!

If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone.

Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.

Every night, it's a bakery on the bus. It's a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I'm diabetic, so I'm like, are you kidding me?!

If you put your personal stories out there people always connect.

You gotta hang out with people who have big dreams and believe in that dream.

Surround yourself with supportive people. All the negative people, man you have to push them aside.

Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.

You pigeon hole yourself by the title you give yourself.

My girlfriend knows that if I'm acting weird at home to go to one of my shows to see what's on my mind.

Kids, man, they're way too honest. They're like mini-alcoholics.

Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don't ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like 'this guy is ready to party.'

I found that laughter was a form of acceptance, and I really enjoyed that and I just - I crave it.

Best advice, bro: Think big. Don't think small. If you think small, then you're going to stay small. Think (about) the broad scope.

I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.

I was a big fan of Rodney Dangerfield. He had this HBO Young Comedians Special and he'd always bring up new talent, and I loved that!

I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere.

Originally the big argument was that they wanted to call it "raw and uncut" and I told them I had a problem with that. When you say "raw" it implies that my show is dirty and that's not the case.

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.

I try not to get political, I don't want to get religious, I don't want to get controversial, I just want to have a show that relates to everybody.

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, 'I want to go to that McDonalds.

I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.

I eat a lot of junk food, because that's what's usually available at 1:00am when I'm all done working.

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

Comedians do movies and TV so that when they tour, they sell out. That's the goal: To get popular enough so the place is packed.