Drunk Quotes

Only three types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk, and the angry.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.

There's nothing left . . . but to get drunk.

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

When someone is in a car accident and they're driving at 100 mph, drunk, who's tape do you think his listening to at that time? Think about it.

We have wasted History like a bunch of drunks shooting dice back in the men's crapper of the local bar.

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

I was having a good time before, but you grow up after a couple years and realize, "I can't get drunk like this every night." Things change.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

I never went out in the morning with the intention of getting drunk. It just happened.

When all is said and done, no literature can outdo the cynicism of real life; you won't intoxicate with one glass someone who has already drunk up a whole barrel.

There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.

If I had listened to the critics I'd have died drunk in the gutter

I lay my head on the wheel and the horn begins honking, the whole neighborhood knows that I'm home drunk again.

When you can see the end of things even in their beginnings, there's no more hope, unless you want to pretend, or forget, or get drunk or something.

All romantics meet the same fate some day. Drunk and cynical and boring someone in some dark cafe.

You're lookin' so good in what's left of those blue jeans Drip of honey on the money maker gotta be The best buzz I'm ever gonna find Hey, I'm a little drunk on you And high on summertime

Vodka is kind of a hobby.

Love, with very young people, is a heartless business. We drink at that age from thirst, or to get drunk; it is only later in life that we occupy ourselves with the individuality of our wine.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

I have often regretted what I have eaten, but never what I have drunk.

Write drunk; edit sober.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

I liked you better when you were drunk .

Republic. I like the sound of the word. It means people can live free, talk free, go or come, buy or sell, be drunk or sober, however they choose. Some words give you a feeling.

I began imagining scenes in public which some drunk would come up to me and slap me in the face. Nothing like that ever happened, but I often wonder if I would have turned the other cheek

If you don't think you've got the blues, just keep living, and if you don't think you're drunk, just keep drinking what you're drinking.

Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.

The lie of a pipe dream is what gives life to the whole misbegotten mad lot of us, drunk or sober.

Important people are much more interesting when they are drunk and seem much more like human beings.

I don't drink because I have problems or I want to escape. I just love drinking and being drunk.

Whoever thinks he is objective must already be half drunk.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.

I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, "I am a bulemic".

Clubs are so lame. Nobody even dances at these clubs. They stand around and get drunk and they schmooze. There is no enjoyment factor.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.

Alcohol is perfectly consistent in its effects upon man. Drunkenness is merely an exaggeration. A foolish man drunk becomes maudlin; a bloody man, vicious; a coarse man, vulgar.

We call it drunk philosophy. You have a few beers and you become a lot smarter.

[Dean Martin] is an absolute, unqualified drunk. And if we ever develop an Olympic drinking team, he's gonna be the coach... Dean Martin has been stoned more often than the United States embassies.

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.

Be IN it. Get drunk in the moment.

I wrote my songs despite the fact that I was a drunk, not because of it.

I can be very drunk in a club in Oxford on a Monday night and some guy comes up to you and buys you a drink and says that the last record you made changed his life. That means something.

A drunk tongue is an honest one in my opinion.