Comedy Quotes

It's a funny thing about rap, that when you say 'I' into the microphone, it's like a public confession. It's very strange.

I think comedy's just about being interested in comedy and what makes people laugh and experimenting.

I'm not playing a comedy. I want to be playing the truth of the moment, and then have the comedy come out.

Comedy arises out of necessity, because some things are so dark that you have to laugh about it.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!

I can't go on, I'll go on.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I paid, got up, walkedto the door, openedit.I heard the mansay, "that guy'snuts."out on the street Iwalked northfeelingcuriouslyhonored.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos

The funniest people are the saddest ones

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.""Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breathTo say to me that thou art out of breath?

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.

what would you call this haircut?"arthur.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.

POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future.

I spilled spot remover on my dog now he's gone.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is "In 15 minutes everybody will be famous.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me arefurious!

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on theroad an hour.

Unless philosophy can make a Juliet, Displant a town, reverse a prince’s doom, It helps not, it prevails not.

You take the words in the sense which is most damaging to the argument.

Don't you think you're quite young?''I'm twenty-one, ' said Brida. 'If I wanted to start learning ballet, I'd be conseidered too old.

Remove yourself, sir!

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn't have to go so fast.

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

When I was young I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock.So I stopped wearing socks.

Mother, you have my father much offended.

Afore me! It is so very late, That we may call it early by and by.

For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?""Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it, that's not what you mean.

Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?""Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it that's not what you mean.

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays

Four young men in motorcycle jackets... set upon the man in khaki shorts and beat him unconscious with his own sandwich board.

There have been two great narcotics in European civilisation: Christianity and alcohol.

When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become.

Come on, shake off the covers of this sloth, for sitting softly cushioned, or tucked in bed, is no way to win fame.

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.