Prince Philip Quotes
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.
During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.
Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?
People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.
I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family.
You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.
The bastards murdered half my family.
In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.
So you are the people tearing down the Brazilian rainforest and breeding cattle.
I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer.
I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.
If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.
A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment.
Change does not change tradition, it strengthens it. Change is a challenge and anopportunity, not a threat.
I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.
Wildlife of the world is disappearing, not because of a malicious and deliberate policy of slaughter and extermination, but simply because of a general and widespread ignorance and neglect.
Do you work in a strip club?
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years.
A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.
You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly.
So who's on drugs here?... He looks as if he's on drugs.
[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?
You could do with losing a little bit of weight.
We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!
What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer.
But we are not going to be able to survive on this limited planet if the population keeps on growing: there isn't going to be anything left.
I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff.
Do you still throw spears at each other?
It's my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.
Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.
It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.
As so often happens, I discover that it would have been better to keep my mouth shut.
I must confess that I am interested in leisure in the same way that a poor man is interested in money.
British women can't cook.
If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.
It's a vast waste of space.
That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?
Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.
The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.
It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.
All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.
Ah, you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then.
Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.
Constitutionally I don't exist.
My favourite subject at school was avoiding unnecessary work.
There's a cord sticking out of the back. Might you tell me where it goes?
The more people there are, the more food we need, the more space we occupy, the more resources and consumer goods we wish to have and the more development has to take place
You managed not to get eaten then?