You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.

I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family.

The bastards murdered half my family.

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

So you are the people tearing down the Brazilian rainforest and breeding cattle.

Life is meant to be shared and fully lived.

Forgiveness means that you will not allow a temporary event to have “forever” repercussions.

Only from rebellious mind, revolution arises.

The point isn't to win the game. The point is to play a beautiful game. (paraphrased)

My primary responsibility is to be funny.

I had a goal, I had a dream... and at the end of the day no matter what people say to you as long as YOU know who you are as a person NOTHING else in the world matters.

My heroes are the non-commissioned officers. If I had another life thats what Id be - a regimental sergeant major or a similar rank. Thats where the spirit of the armed forces is.

One of the key pieces is a great pair of shoes. Women say they always look at a man’s shoes, which is really strange! But it can ruin an outfit. Accessories are hugely important.

Love is not like the echo, which returneth only what is given; but, rather, like the pump, which returneth by the pail what it received by the pint.

Those who talk on the razor-edge of double-meanings pluck the rarest blooms from the precipice on either side.