Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.

I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family.

You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.

The bastards murdered half my family.

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

Business is all about solving people's problems - at a profit.

Acquaintances, in sort, represent a source of social power, and the more acquaintances you have the more powerful you are.

What I like in a good author is not what he says but what he whispers.

If I know I have everything prepared for when I get killed by a stalker, then I can go to sleep.

Justice is always Violence to the Party offending, for every Man is Innocent in his own Eyes.

There is no art form that has so much in common with film as music. Both affect our emotions directly, not via the intellect.

Don't focus on the adversity; focus on God. No matter what you go through, stay in faith, be your best each day and trust that God will use it to position you for greatness.

Men cannot not live by exchanging articles, but producing them. They live by work not trade.

Teach erring man to spurn the rage of gain.

A career is a series of ups and downs, of comebacks.