plagiarism, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The ancestor of every action is a thought.

Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.

Friendships aren't perfect and yet they are very precious. For me not expecting perfection all in one place was a great release.

Success is 99 percent failure.

So much leather inside my car my horn moos.

Diogenes, when asked from what country he came, replied, "I am a citizen of the world."

You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

Thank you for helping me solve this problem.

The greatest man is he who chooses right with the most invincible resolution.

I won my tournament. I won the Silver Medal.