You'll never catch a nudist with his pants down.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I believe in the brotherhood of mankind.

Pain is the biggest power of love." That's what Wireman says.

You looked like the girl I loved.

Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

I'm more like my father, personality-wise. But my mom and I get alone really well, obviously, because my mom and my dad get along so well.

If you have millions of dollars you are not going to get to continue doing what you want. You are into a world of commitment to that money and all the people that helped you get that money.

I stand by every mistake I've ever made, so judge away.

One of the richest countries in the world - the United States of America - is facing a real ethical dilemma in terms of providing equitable access to health care.

Rugged strength and radiant beauty-- These were one in Nature's plan; Humble toil and heavenward duty-- These will form the perfect man.

My brother's been producing rap music and hip-hop for maybe 10 years.