You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

The Revolution will be complete when the language is perfect.

I believe there's only good cinema and bad cinema.

Marriage is not a reform school.

Having your health is having everything in life.

For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.

The speculators deadly enemies are: Ignorance, greed, fear and hope. All the statute books in the world and all the rules of all the Exchanges on earth cannot eliminate these from the human animal.

I'm a draftsperson. And also, I really respond to love.

For instance, in places like universities, where everyone speaks so rationally, it is necessary for a kind of enchanter to appear.

A crucial contribution to the ideological argument ...it provides a vital part of the intellectual manifesto on which the battle for a better society can be fought

Women's mutual understanding comes from the fact that they identify themselves with each other; but for the same reason each is against the others.