You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

This was so unfunny, Steve had to laugh.

Tell me thy company and I will tell thee what thou art.

I suffer for my art and despise the witless moneyed scoundrels who praise it.

My further advice on your relations to women is based upon that other motto of chivalry, "Serve all, love one."

The cloak of naiveté was the uniform of our success: we didn't know it couldn't be done.

Often with television, particularly with lifestyle entertainment, they really try and box you in.

The Republicans went so far to the right that they just can't get votes. They've become a dedicated party of the very rich and the corporate sector.

Do not allow yourself to be misled by the surfaces of things

The real intolerance in Canadian society is shown by those who would deny people of faith the right to participate in public life.

It's easy to see things you're lookin' for. The trick is to see things you're not looking for.