You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

When she smiles, the lines in her face become epic narratives that trace the stories of generations that no book can replace.

The irony of the human heart is that it’s tormented both by the presence and absence of it’s own soul’s counterpart.

Population is a strong driver of the economy as well as the quality of the labor force.

I ride a bike and use aerobic equipment twice a week, and work out with a trainer, lifting weights.

When David Arquette and I got engaged we started therapy together. I'd heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest, so we decided to work through all that stuff early.

Listen to her voice, don't look at her.

I have tried to do what is true and not ideal.

To love is to lose control.

The whole world was nothing but an exile with no hope of a return.

I like the idea of giving workers control and putting their money into their personal accounts.