You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to believe in yourself, the reason it is so hard is because it is worth it.

Is YOUR brand consistent and congruent with your desired outcomes?

I wouldn't know any newer bands. We're past the pimple stage.

Both individual skill (art) and chance are important factors in determining success or failure.

It will never be altogether well with us till we convert the universe into a prayer room.

When I am writing, I'm very much on the ground, on the same ground my characters are treading.

Conservatives, Republicans have to rebuild public confidence in what we say we are going to do. That is a high hurdle but it is an achievable hurdle.

I'm feelin' electric tonight Cruising down the coast goin' 'bout 99 Got my bad baby by my heavenly side I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

The most repulsive thing you could ever imagine is the inside of a camel's mouth. That and watching a girl eat octopus or squid.

I don't believe the majority always knows what's best for everyone.