You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.

My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!

I am more comfortable doing comedy, and I want to perform comedy. When you can really make someone laugh, that's a healing experience. It's like music. A lot of music is really healing.

We don't need to start our dream from the top all we need is to make a first step where we are standing right now and say my journey starts now

There is no reason to be in touch with you I m reduced to sub existence

Katie, when I saw you again, there was nothing I wanted to do more than stand by your side for the rest of my life.

I am not famous at all.

The racing driver needs to be fed a diet of other racing drivers.

There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.

I went from MC to being MS, this microphone controller is the motivational speaker.