Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Eternity to eternity, God is God.

It is impossible to come to God and not experience changes in your life

I always claimed I became the Batman to fight crime. That was a lie. I did it to overcome the fear.

One must be very particular about telling the truth. Through truth one can realize God.

Republicans don't want anyone having more fun than they do, and the Democrats don't want anyone making more money than they do. Libertarians want you to make money and have fun.

I don't mind, it doesn't hurt me if anyone says I'm not normal. I don't know what normal is. Sometimes I'm just really tired, or I haven't eaten, and people get the wrong idea about me.

There had never been a death so foretold.

Nonsense is nonsense even when spoken by world-famous scientists.

For a few minutes of every day, every man becomes a genius. This is the tragedy of life.

When I first came out, like a lot of the artists at that time, I had a very polished, very overproduced sound.