Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.

Sometimes, time takes you the direction it wants you to travel. -Finn Foster

Let your own discretion be your tutor suit the action to the word the word to the action.

Then my mother was taken ill and died and my father took me to St. Mary's.

The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make a life meaningful either.

Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.

The cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions per minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.

You are my cat, and I am your human.

I promise that, one day, everything's going to be better for you.

Fear not because God is with you.

Of the mental hazards, being scared is the worst. When you get scared, you get tense.