Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

People are the most difficult thing in the world to change

To know one's future is the single most destructive way of ending your life before you've lived it." - Altheon (Betrayal- Fey Court Trilogy)

We can be of many nations, but earth is our land.We can be of many races, but we are just one clan.

In critical moments even the very powerful have need of the weakest.

No one knows what is in him till he tries, and many would never try if they were not forced to.

Just look inside and you will find just what you can do.

If I had been born with an aggressive character, then maybe my palmares would have been longer.

Men are so simple of mind, and so much dominated by their immediate needs, that a deceitful man will always find plenty who are ready to be deceived.

I think that's why I like New York City because you can just put on your backpack and just explore; you never know where you are going to end up.

You have good games, you have bad games. You have good years, you have bad years. I have always been kind of philosophical about that.