When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Everyone knows that God protects drunkards and lovers.

The weird thing about houses is that they almost always look like nothing is happening inside of them, even thought they countain most of our lives.

Switzerland is only bearable covered with snow, " Aunt Augusta said, "like some people are only bearable under a sheet.

Struggle is less effective than doing nothing.

Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had because they didn't have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?

I even do my ready-to-wear samples like couture.

Everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his life. The way to do it is to focus on today. . . It is too late for yesterday. And you can't depend on tomorrow.

Love: a single word, a wispy thing, a word no bigger or longer than an edge.

Consumer culture is contradiction in terms

My wife is Greek. I was a non-denomination Christian before we got married.