When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

The rancid odor mixed with the dust, death, and confusion as they awaited those who could clean up the mess and make death official.

For those who are willing to make an effort, great miracles and wonderful treasures are in store.

When employers tell me they prefer married men, and encourage their men to have homes of their own, because it makes them so much steadier, I wonder if they have any idea of all that that implies.

Active minds that think and study, like swift brooks are seldom muddy.

When we realize that there is never a single story about any place, we regain a kind of paradise.

Racing is a very selfish, self-centred, self-glorifying thing. My wife's life for 14 years was centered around me. It was all about me. It was all for my ego.

Most of us are worrying about the future so much that we can't enjoy the present.

Anticompetitive practices hurt Chinese private firms nearly as much as foreign ones.

The musicians are good and their music is catchy - it pulls the kids in in droves. Mike Bickle admitted to me that the music was a big part of their success at attracting young people.

Neville Chamberlain looked at foreign affairs through the wrong end of a municipal drainpipe.