When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

You have the choice of deliberately directing your thinking, or allowing other forces to dictate your desires and attitudes.

As far as the laws of Mathematics refer to reality they are not certain and as far as they are certain they do not refer to reality.

The art of the cuisine, when fully mastered, is the one human capability of which only good things can be said.

PROMOTE A REVOLUTIONARY FLOOD AND TIDE IN ART. Promote living art, anti-art, promote NON ART REALITY to be fully grasped by all peoples, not only critics, dilettantes and professionals.

Conflict begins at the moment of birth.

Sarah Palin knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America.

There is so much going on all over the world that it's impossible for one person to keep up. And I can't.

If only gravity were working, the path would be symmetrical, it is the wind resistance that produces the tragic curve.

In the end, there is no end.

Repeat mantra: Donuts are not vitamins, donuts are not.