When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or Hancock, humour from previous generations.

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.

I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.

I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over it.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

Art is the product of an imperfect world. In an ideal world, art would not exist.

It were not best that we should all think alike it is difference of opinion that makes horseraces.

Eventually I'd like to have a family. I'd like to not be limping around when I'm 50 years old.

If God calls you to be a minister, don't stoop to becoming a king.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.

You must follow me carefully. I shall have to controvert one or two ideas that are almost universally accepted. The geometry, for instance, they taught you at school is founded on a misconception.

Like a raisin in the sun; that will swivel up and fade away. Your success dreams will swivel up and fade away, if you are not motivated enough to work for them.

Now my main goal is my solo career, so I want to keep doing that.

Women are only told that they resemble angels when they are young and beautiful; consequently, it is their persons, not their virtues, that procure them homage.

Nothing worth doing can be accomplished in a single lifetime.