I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.

I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over it.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.

Service is a sacred strength.

Feeling guilty is not a substitute for loving somebody

What we call patriotism, in other words, is a calculable force which, released by a predictable situation, will animate man in a manner no different from other territorial species.

If you try to use Christ as a solution to your problems, it will not work. You have to serve Him in order for Him to serve you.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Little mouse," a voice said through the keyhole. "Don't you know the more you wriggle, the greater the cat's delight?

Really important books to me are the classics. I try very hard to read them well - you know, especially once I got serious about writing.

I suppose you set up reading the Good Book all night-spoken by Woodrow Call

Most of the time, actors respond to the thing thats so far from who they are. We all want to play the serial killer and the ex-con.

The greatest deterrent to giving is the illusion that this earth is our home.