When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

We need heroes, however outlandish, because although we might not be slaying real dragons, we all have our quests.

The Kingdom of God is, in reality, the mental kingdom of a conscientious, compassionate and courageous human.

Our story may have any number of endings, but it begins with a singular choice we make today

There's a punk-rock attitude, clearly, to 'Hated.' There's even a punk-rock attitude to 'The Hangover, ' I think. We start the movie with a Glenn Danzig song.

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

Let's be clear, I'm a strong woman.

When golden moments come, when God enables one really to pray without words, who but a fool would reject the gift?

Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.

Paradoxically, the most constructive thing women can do is to write, for in the act of writing we deny our muteness and begin to eliminate some of the difficulties that have been put upon us.

According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map. However 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map.