What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

Worst decision is when you have decided but still it doesn’t satisfy you in hell lot of ways and you long to go back in time to fix it. It is so expensive to afford a wrong decision.

According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does.

There is a great deal in a name. It often signifies much, and may involve a great principle.

Respectable people... What bastards!

My mum actually gave up work to look after my child, which is so touching.

You want a messenger boy, call Western Union.

You know what? I don't care. I'm going to do what I want to do.

He didn't know what else to do, how to comfort her, so he simply held her, held the only person in the world who had ever cried for him

Giving up pride means giving all credit and glory to Guru and Krishna.

I think playing cricket taught me more about working in teams and leadership that has stayed with me throughout my career.