I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

In this world and the hereafter, we should not be afraid of no one but ourselves.

Do what is right because it is right.

It's all just practice for the next time

All of technology, really, is about maximizing free options.

To experience beauty, love, truth and peace, or God, your mind has to be stilled.

Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best.

What I like about the USTA is that it's developing systems to help the coaches coach better.

I think in music there is just something inherently spiritual in singing together and harmonizing, and gospel is the truest form of that.

When graves are covered with stones, the dead can no longer get out. But the dead can't go out anyway! What difference does it make whether they're covered with soil or stones?

The way you begin each day defines how you'll live each day.