Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

Love isn't really all that terrifying once you let go of your doubts.

Brown v. Board is the foundation by which all Americans can look for hope - hope for their children, hope for their families, and hope for a better future.

When we sleep the soul is lit up... by many eyes, and with them, we can see everything that we cannot see in the daytime.

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

I like me some of Wayne stuff. I think he's the one exception as far as the auto-tune thing goes.

Crime fiction is a genre for writing stories about people - about conflict, about guilt, about passion, about the human condition.

We all get self-centered.

Wounds simply won't heal if they are swept under the carpet.

Is there a place here for the spirit ? Is there time on this brief platform for anything other than mind 's failure to explain itself?