Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

All human behavior has a reason. All behavior is solving a problem.

There is no heavier burden than an unfulfilled potential.

You can't look in the face of adoration and be cruel.

Life, not death, is the great mystery you must confront.

I was a bookish kid, not really athletic.

You say a new era in art is preparing; you sensed it coming; continue your studies without weakening. God will do the rest.

There is but one true Giver in the universe; all else are debtors.

If you spend enough time with yourself in silence, you'll be surprised what goes through your head.

From my time in 'King Crimson,' I'd describe a Progressive band as one that keeps trying to break musical barriers, and keeps trying to do new music.

Ideals are an imaginative understanding of that which is desirable in that which is possible.