To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

To respond to anger is to attempt to slay a dragon with a wet noodle.The best you can do is hope the anger remembers the love.~Bluenscottish

She's a sun-kissed beach girl who goes gothgrungepunkhippierockeremocoremetalfreakfashionistabraingeekboycrazyhiphoprastagirl to keep it under wraps.

Shave your head, wear a 'ZERO' shirt. Take away your identity. What do you have? You still have yourself.

Forget about acquiring new people. If you service your audience they will get you new fans.

Our society doesn't want to help girls like that [in Black Snake Moan]. They just want to use them.

In the old days, I just could not leave characters alone. Now I just try to keep the ones that still have something in the way of stories to tell.

Your reputation is what you're perceived to be, Your character is what you really are

A lot of people want to see this idealized version of heroism, all pretty and perfect, and I'm not interested in playing the goody-goody hero at all.

The single minded ones, the monomaniacs, are the only true achievers

The God of merely traditional believers is the great Absentee of the universe.