The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they'd word something or how they'd inflect it.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Whats on my mind? I think the question is, where is my mind?

Anything the government gives you is just another link in the chains that destroy your liberty.

I remember when I was in college, people told me I couldn't play in the NBA. There's always somebody saying you can't do it, and those people have to be ignored.

A program that saves young people produces more welfare than one that saves old people.

No matter how hard the battle gets or no matter how many people DON'T believe in your dream,Never give up!

Oakmont is probably the premier - Oakmont and Augusta National are probably the top two set of greens in the country.

I'm excited about what the future holds. I'm not a fortune-teller; I have no idea how it will play out. People say, "What are you going to do?" I don't know. I kind of love that not knowing.

Never Let Anyone Come to You Without Coming Away Better and Happier

Everyone has something they don't want anyone to see; that is one of the functions of a home, to provide a spot to keep such things.

what could i do to make the one i loved love me back ?