The most painful household accident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Human happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected.

Politics:Lies about the truth, or the truth about lies?

When it was too late for rescue, it was still early enough for revenge.

What costs nothing is worth nothing.

I love the South Park guys, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. They're geniuses. I throw that word around a lot, but I really do mean it.

I'm not good at just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that the perfect role is going to turn up.

Most of my influences are turn-of-the-century.

As a teenager, you're still discovering who you are, what your life is about, and who you want to be as a person. It's very intense.

Instead of sending guns, send books. Instead of sending weapons, send teachers.