The money thing is, the sort of Elvis Presley thing of buying you mother car is great, that's very good. My mother has learned how to spend money.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

Try to live the life of the good man who is more than content with what is allocated to him.

That things are changed, and that nothing really perishes, and that the sum of matter remains exactly the same, is sufficiently certain.

The wooden wall alone should remain unconquered.

The man who is rich in fancy thinks that his wagon is already built; poor fool, he does not know that there are a hundred timbers to a wagon.

If we get chased out of Iraq with our tail between our legs, that will be the fifth consecutive Third-world country with no hint of a Navy or an Air Force to have whipped us in the past 40 years.

I didn't want to be a woman artist. I just wanted to be an artist.

Philosophy's work is finding the shortest path between two points.

I am, as ever, a poor sinner, a captive of eternal love, running by the side of His triumphal chariot, and I have no desire to be anything else as long as I live.

I hate to tell you how old I am, but I reached the age of consent 75,000 consents ago.

It seems impossible for a man to learn the value of money without first having to learn to waste it.