The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Happiness, contentment, the health and growth of the soul, depend, as men have proved over and over again, upon some simple issue, some single turning of the soul.

The force fields of nature are force fields of consciousness. They are force fields of knowledge.

Wars are bred by poverty and oppression. Continued peace is possible only in a relatively free and prosperous world.

It is not lost on me that I'm spending my honeymoon at Comic Con.

Because we're not as serious about terrorism as we can be, people all across the globe feel like they can just murder innocent people.

I don't hide out. If you build a wall around yourself, it draws people to invade it. Fear is the enemy.

Redford builds a riveting, resonant political thriller that values the complexity of its characters and the intelligence of its audience.

People robbed of their past seem to make the most fervent picture takers, at home and abroad.

When you make the judgement as a network that there are only three candidates, you are censoring points of view.