The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Everyone in my family always spares one another's feelings. It leaves little room for honesty.

And now abideth faith hope charity these three but the greatest of these is charity.

I played at my church every once in a while, but that's not a good gauge, because everybody loves you at your church.

The professional world was much more unpleasant than I thought. I was always wishing I could get back that enthusiasm I had when I was doing shows at college.

Some souls attain enlightenment. No one knows why. You could say it is individual inclination. I'm not convinced that's the case.

How could I possibly try to pretend the sunlight doesn’t exist, now that it’s taken so much of me?

Privately run jails are a mark of American "reinvented government" that has been picked up by neoconcervatives in Canada.

Don't keep putting your anger off. Until you go through it, you can't get out of it.

Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt.

The only thing I wanted in free agency was an opportunity to continue to chase that dream and continue to win championships.?