The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

If you can't handle me with a messy bun, then you don't deserve me with a fabulous blowout.

Alan, you seem to think we won't like you unless you do things just like everyone else. Have you ever thought we might like you because you're different?

Do you recall Fred Merriville?”She stared at him. “Fred Merriville? Pray, what has he to say to anything?”“The poor fellow has nothing to say: he’s dead, alas!

I don't think of myself as a star. An actress is nothing remarkable.

I'm doing what I have to do. I want everyone to know that I love them.

I am not at all a chocoholic. I would rather eat anchovy toast.

Don't live worried, frustrated or upset because of what somebody did or what didn't work out. Come back to a place of peace. It's not going to work against you; it's going to work for you.

You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and all-sufficient 'people say.'

Our life is a manifestation, and we can very well make that manifestation beautiful and meaningful and have a good influence.